never trouble trouble until trouble troubles you

By George MacDonald
From The Diary of an Old Soul Unpublished

Go not forth to call thy sorrow,
From the dim field of tomorrow;
Let her roam there all unheeded;
She will come when she is needed;
But when she draws nigh thy door,
She will find God there before.

The cold, hard facts - and the reason why I feel like I'm failing

Math NWEA Results


Reading NWEA Results

My classroom is a wreck. I'm a piler, and I hate it. Today after searching for a set of keys for several minutes and knowing I had just set them down, I offered two classroom credits to the first person who could find the keys. Literally, before the challenge was out of my mouth, 5 students had located them. They don't teach you that extrinsic motivation is sometimes more efficient.

school and such.

Ran in my first race - vive Carrera de los Muertos! It was complete with Mariachi band, Merican folk dancers and churros. I'm sore, but I'm not sorry.

Met a man named Ho on Halsted (not even kidding) who was able to determine based on the "vibes" I was "giving off" that 1. I grew up in Wisconsin and 2. I'm a teacher. He then proceeded to ask me out for a drink sometime. No. Obviously not.

R stupidly brought a knife to school on Friday which he stupidly took out of his backpack then stupidly handed to M, the cutter.

D's mom blew up on me over the phone on Friday - she wants D out of my class and an immediate meeting with the principal.

Of course, after both of these situations, my class settled down to take the NWEA - the test whose scores my job is based on. I'm going to venture out there and say the scores may have been higher on a lower-stress day.

How My Perfectionism Got Spilled All Over the Place

Two years ago one of my DSG leaders went to a seminar on perfectionism and informed me that there are many different realms of perfectionism: appearance, performance, moral and relational. It dawned on me that although I've let the term roll off my back for years, I definitely do fall into the category of a relational perfectionist. This was fine. I'd chosen the most acceptable form of the disease and roped it off. Much like eating off of one of those divided dinner trays made for young children who don't like gravy on their peas, perfectionism didn't touch any other area of my life. It was perfectly contained.

Until I became a teacher.

The problem with teaching is that everything - Everything - is relational. Deadlines are relational, organization is relational, my lesson plans are relational. Nothing stays separate. Perfectionism gets spilled over everything because everything is littered with PEOPLE who are not ME. Nothing I do affects only myself: The time I set my alarm clock for affects whether DV can retake his math test before school; how many hours of sleep I get finds a direct correlation to the thinness of my patience with the thirty five people I will work with the next day; how quickly or neatly I write on the board wreaks havoc on the pupils of my pupils who strain to read my chicken scratch; if I choose to ignore the post-it note S just flicked at D it determines whether he does it again in ten minutes and whether I stay after school for an hour-long detention tomorrow; the lesson plans I write impact the special ed teacher, my master teacher and the substitute teacher who's in my room because I was relational with a student who had the stomach flu.

So that is how I became a full-fledged perfectionist.

MIDDLE SCHOOL.

Dear students who slit their wrists in my classroom, spread rumors about "someone who likes someone else's banana" on days when bananas are served at lunch, flick post-it notes, write swear words, engage in cyber bullying, engage in physical bullying, vandalize the back table, lie to my face, threaten to get me fired and steal all my dry erase markers,

I understand that you are trying to figure out who you are and what life means, but could you please not be so messy about it?

Love to all,

Ms. Seversen

P.S. Please don't waste your time playing video games this weekend

I don't have time for this

An infected bug bite left me near-paralyzed today as I limped to the clinic and later ingested a double dosage of antibiotic. WHO DID THIS? The culprit will be avenged for stealing my Saturday and my money.


In other news, I critical massed last night.

After biking down to Belmont Harbor, relaxing, watching sailboats come in for the night or go out for a sunset cruise and journalizing, I headed back to my apartment. As I prepared to cross Sheridan, I ran into Critical Mass. I could hardly believe my good luck, and I enthusiastically joined. I've wanted to ride along for over a year, and I was not disappointed. People are neat and crazy.
CHECK.

Organic Fail.

I purchased the cheapest option of eggs today.

And I quote...

Miss Seversen, do you think you could spread out the students' desks a bit because they looked kind of close together, and sneezing and cold season is around the corner. Thank you. Mrs. Rodriguez

What a lousy earth!  He wondered how many people were destitute that same night even in his own prosperous country, how many homes were shanties, how many husbands were drunk and wives socked, and how many children were bullied, abused or abandoned.  How many families hungered for food they could not afford to buy?  How many hearts were broken?  How many suicides would take place that same night, how many people would go insane?  How many cockroaches and landlords would triumph? How many winners were losers, successes failures, rich men poor men?  How many wise guys were stupid?  How many happy endings were unhappy endings?  How many honest men were liars, brave men cowards, loyal men traitors, how many sainted men were corrupt, how many people in positions of trust had sold their souls to blackguards for petty cash, how many had never had souls?  How many straight-and-narrow paths were crooked paths?  How many best families were worst families and how many good people were bad people?  When you added them all up and then subtracted, you might be left with only the children, and perhaps with Albert Einstein and an old violinist or sculptor somewhere.  

-

school marm

Hello.

School is officially my life. Here, I'll include some schedule details just to prove it, and to validate my feelings of overwhelmtion.

I wake up before 4:30

I am riding public transportation by 5:10

I pray for strength during the morning's "moment of silence"

I avoid the special ed teacher, because I haven't had a chance to read through the kids' IEPs yet

I attack bullying

I answer the same question over and over again, enabling my students to continue tuning me out the first time

I secretly love the bad kids

I call the number on my classroom printer to get it fixed, then I try to fix the school copier, then I go to Target to buy myself a printer which ends up not working either

I'm proud of my bulletin board - "Sailing into Sixth Grade with Ms. Seversen" - and I wonder if I'll teach alliterations

I reward my kids with stories about when I used hand soap instead of hand sanitizer

I stress about getting them to their specials on time then apologize over and over again to the art teacher for being 8 minutes late

I send boys to the bathroom to wash out their fohawks

I call parents to inquire after absences

I regret wearing high heals

I fall asleep grading papers after school

I read 20 emails a day and try to remember due dates until I can find a desk calendar

I go into banks and ask for registry book covers - 32, please

In the afternoons, I resolve to be more strict, then can't follow through the next morning when the kids are still quiet and sweet

I go straight to work after I get home from work

I resent my roommate for implying surprise at my lack of interest in socializing

I share a box of tissues with my student whose father beats her and whose siblings bully her.

Then I force myself to leave my students' burdens at school so I can be the stable, enthusiastic encouragement they will need me to be the next morning.

Whole Foods Hipster Girl with Wi-Fi

Nomadic and sad. A pair of escalators in Whole Foods.
That makes 3 stories.
"Everyone has a story. Be personal, yet professional. Live in the struggle."
A thrift store called unique.
A stale cookie in a cubby unwittingly launches a full-fledged
campaign called HELP MY KIDS GET ORGANIZED
which will leave zero time for me to move into my new apartment.
At least I know tomorrow's shoes are in a box under my
Bible and bike helmet somewhere in my trunk.
People are kissing everywhere.
I am touching my new coworkers like I already know them.
The longer I work with them, the less I will get to know them.
Personal loses her authenticity after her marriage to professionalism.
Plus, that is city life. Busy; self-consumed; boundaries.
My students are my colleagues. That's what I will call them.
With their butts in my 32 chairs, it will be nothing but personal.

One last deep breath

lessons learned

At first life on the farm intrigued me - every conversation stuck itself to my cerebrum, every meal out of the garden was a delight - but as the days became regular and mundane, as using the outhouse lost its charm, as long hours under the sun engendered back aches, creaky knees and poison ivy, I often wished I were someplace else doing something more impacting. As my other friends travelled Europe, learned languages, loved orphans and praised God in India, I struggled to see relevance in leaning over a bed of weeds and eating hard boiled eggs. "Establish the work of my hands, oh God, establish the work of my hands," I echoed Moses' prayer in Psalm 90 as I pulled thistles out of potato beds and inspected zucchini plants for bugs to squish and their eggs to crush. Then one day it hit me. This is important. Learning to see my own selfish habits and assumptions and how to love God through loving his earth and the people who live here is a privilege.

I returned from the farm just over a week ago. Everything I learned about plumbing, living off the grid, marketing and sales of organic products, the ins and out of retail and wholesale, eating seasonally and living local have begun to settle into a subtle yet important paradigm shift. I have never before been as convinced of the importance of self-sustainable living. Previously, my eyes were clouded to the extent of pure greed with which the American food system and consumerism is ridden. It is impossible to point a finger, though, because we ourselves are products of the system's values. Hoarding, bigger is better, appearance matters, and deserved success course through our veins. I don't know that I'll ever own a lot of land and have a farm where I grow food to feed myself and my neighbors, but I have come away with a list of short- and long-term goals:

- buy organic food
- waste less
- support a local farm by joining a CSA
- live off the grid someday
- eat seasonally and locally
- keep learning

Fertile Soil

There's a beautiful purple flowering plant called comfrey which is great for fertilizing. You can put its leaves into a bucket of water for 3-4 days and let it ferment, then use the "tea" to pour on plants. Any type of organic matter is also good for the soil - vegetable garbage, leaves, weeds, hay, coffee grinds and seaweed can all be placed on the dirt around a plant. Once that decomposes, it's great nutrients for the soil. Also, manure is always good too. You can actually buy earth worm manure - if you do, make sure it hasn't been heated. If it hasn't been heat treated, the eggs in it will become earth worms for your soil.

I just finished reading a book called No Work Gardening by this crazy old lady named Ruth Stout. She is an absolute character. "I'm sure you'll be very jealous, but I haven't been to a grocery store in years. I wake up whenever I feel like it and I'm done with all my work by 11 a.m. I don't weed, water, till or spray my garden." Ruth Stout simply dumps about 8-9 inches of hay as a mulch over her whole garden. It locks moisture in, chokes weeds out and breaks down to fertilize her soil. I found a video of her on youtube.

Sweet Sisters, Happy Heart

Sun Shower

I was hoping I would learn of some good, safe alternatives to pesticides, but if they exist, they're not used here. Here are three tricks I've learned for dealing with bugs:


1. physical - putting a light, almost see-through tarp over plants, especially if the bugs are jumping or crawling ones, as opposed to slithering ones (like worms or slugs). This should block less than 10% of sunlight and deter bugs. I'll try to include a picture of one they use here. Also, they will physically pick off and get rid of bugs they see crawling on plants they don't cover.

2. environmental - this is Andy and Lalanya's strongest defense, but the hardest to accomplish if you live in a city or dense suburban area. Toads, dragonflies, and bats are bug-eaters. Also, you can grow a plant nearby which attracts ladybugs, which also eat bad bugs. Companion planting isn't used here much, but the theory is that you can plant certain things together, and one will help deter bugs from another - peppers do that for a lot of plants.

3. geographical - andy and lalanya typically plants two beds in different locations of the same kind of plant. that way, if one bed gets attacked by bugs, they'll still probably be able to get a yield from the other.



Today I used the solar shower. It felt amazing to shower right in the middle of the beautiful garden, looking out on corn fields and big, fluffy, white clouds. I'm trying to figure out how I can incorporate outdoor showers into my life more often - a solar shower bag is only $10 at Walmart. Tempting.


I also learned quite a bit about some different herbs today and captured some great "Lalanyaisms"...

- catnip can be consumed as a tea, it's relaxing and will provide menstrual cramping relief

- lemon balm heals cold sores, is antiviral and gives an uplifting sense of calm

- red clover is part of the legume family, so it provides the same anti-cancer benefits as legumes, and it aids in fertility

- fever few helps with headaches and migraines and can ben consumed as a tincture

Lalanya's new favorite garage sale find for drying herbs


lemon balm growing in the garden


fever few



“Hey! His wing is not food, ya bing bing!”
- Lalanya to a turkey

Lalanya: Red clover are also good for fertility, so I try not to eat too many of those.
Me: You and Andy don’t want kids?
Lalanya, shouting: NO!!!

inventory

garage sale
bike ride
shower
nap
book
journal
baby turkeys
lentil soup
candied nuts
strawberry salad
homemade ice cream
crazy tv show with Andy and Lalanya
trusting
abiding
good emails
yogurt
bugs in my ear

"That which comes from the earth is of the greatest worth"

There’s something comforting about knowing your bottom isn’t going to get splashed when you poop in an outhouse. That’s one thing I’ve really enjoyed about being here on the farm. Slightly graphic, yes, but i have that thought everyday, so a documentary of my time here would be incomplete without including it.


Today was the farmer’s market - our busiest day of the week. We woke up early to pick radishes, lettuce, kale, garlic heads, herbs, peas, etc. then took them all to the store to be washed, weighed and bagged. Andy and Lalanya got 15 two-day old turkeys today, so they asked if I would mind supervising them during the market so kids could pet them, hold them and blow bubbles and make sidewalk chalk art near them. I feel like I got the best job of the day! The turkey babies are SO cute, and without their mom they love to be snuggled near your chest. They will almost immediately fall asleep in your hands. Not for long, though! These guys will be close to 22 lbs by Thanksgiving time when Andy and Lalanya sell them.
Me: “And the rest is history.”
Farmers market customer: “And the rest is Thanksgiving.”



There was also a very small duckling which was rescued from the side of the road by a local and given to Lalanya this morning, so I spent some time trying to teach it and the baby turkeys how to drink water and warding off turkeys who tried to gang up on the duckling. I had no idea, but turkey moms have to teach their young how to drink. Otherwise a turkey could be standing in water and die of dehydration. Since these turkeys were hatched in an incubator and shipped right afterward, Lalanya and I did this instead. It was exciting to see them begin to drink water themselves as the day went on.

Needless to say, I befriended tons of kids today! The turkey box with a sign that said, “Come meet the baby turkeys” was a magnet, and kids ages 2 - high school came over, hung out, chatted and shared samples of cookies they’d helped their parents make, who were vendors at the market. Such hilarious, entertaining and darling conversations. One 10-year-old girl watches a television show called “Biz Kids” about kids who start their own businesses, and she sells cookies she bakes with her brother. “The secret ingredient is almond extract,” she said, talking out of the side of her mouth and cupping her hand so only I could see her lips moving. “It helps the cherries keep their flavor.” Another 6th grade boy has a whole room full of small clay figurines made out of three different types of clay. Each type is its own race of people, and each race has an intricate history, which he elaborately laid out for me over multiple long conversations. There are clay armies and pyramids, movie theaters, sphinx, libraries, and textile shops in that room of his. Kids are awesome. Today was great.

I was able to drive into Wheaton on Wednesday, spend the afternoon in the library, the evening among friends, and the night sleeping in a room next to my mom. On Thursday, I woke up early and drove into the city to give a sample reading lesson at Marquez Charter School. The lesson went well, but I misplaced my assessment project I wanted to show them, and I stumbled through the interview questions afterward, so I had to acknowledge again that my future is in God’s hands. Andy and Lalanya wanted me to call and let them know what time I’d be getting in. When I talked to them on the phone, Andy told me I’m one of the few wwoofers they’re genuinely looking forward to having back. I can honestly say they have become friends to me. When I pulled up last night and joined them in their living room to discuss details for the next morning, they were both in their pj’s. They told stories about the first flight of the baby cardinal chicks which hatched 6 days ago, and left the nest while I was in Chicago. They gave me tips for squelching my poison ivy, and we laughed about chickens, big cities and swooping bats getting stuck in Lalanya’s hair. Lalanya’s laugh is precious. She’s one of the most precious people I know. Tomorrow morning we’re going garage sale-ing together.

Provider

"My" day on the farm alone was beautiful. It started off with a rainy drive trailing Andy and Lalanya to the store so they could show me how to care for the ducks that live there. Then we parted ways - they went on to a busy day at the market and into the Quad Cities, and I returned to the farm. After watering the greenhouse and feeding the chickens I got to spend the morning worshiping and preparing for a phone interview with UNO Charter School Network which was scheduled for noon. God was so good to provide this interview, and it's a school at which I would absolutely love to teach. The interview went... pretty well. It's hard to tell on these kind of things. Apparently it went well enough, though, because I got a follow-up email inviting me to teach a sample reading lesson to 32 sixth graders at 1 p.m. on Thursday! I'm thrilled and anxious. But I know that if God has teaching at UNO in his plan for me, nothing can get in the way of that door being open. If not, it will be a great experience and a chance to have a sleepover with Mom in Wheaton. Win-win.



The afternoon was one big weeding fest. Andy and Lalanya leave their weeds in the garden beds so they will break down into organic matter and richen the soil. When they spot plant something in sod, they turn the piece of turf upside down so the roots are sticking up and the grass is against the grass around the outside of the hole. This will also decompose into organic matter. I also had the job of chopping down the purple flowering thistles on the other side of the fence, which happens to be a cattle pasture. Andy and Lalanya have a deal with the cattle owners that they will not spray pesticide on their thistles (which are very close to A and L's garden) as long as A and L weed them. So I spent one Matt Chandler sermon in a pasture full of bulls planning my route of escape in case one happened to charge and getting pricked by thistles through two pairs of gardening gloves.



I realized I'm eating an average of 5 eggs a day. That's one thing there's definitely no shortage of.

"If we were rich, people would say we're eccentric. But we're poor, so we're just weird."
- Lalanya

"The more we plant, the less we have to mow"

Today was herbs herbs herbs.

I learned a ton about these guys and got to make and drink a red clover elixir. And I'm working on a chocolate orange mint vinegar extract which will be ready for consumption on July 25th. Lalanya and I talked children's literature, religion, family, diet and world travel while we weeded side by side. Then Andy came home from the store and made us a delicious meal with gluten-free noodles, which I'd never experienced before. Other activities of note include being granted a telephone interview with UNO Charter School Network at noon tomorrow, catching two chickens and succumbing to a craving for "processed crap" and driving to Iowa City to buy some at Target. So ashamed am I of these remnants of my wasteful, preservative-ridden lifestyle that I literally snuck the contraband to my room when no one was around.

Tomorrow I have free range of the farm from 7 a.m. - 10 or 11 p.m. AH! I'm excited.

I done picked my own dinner!

This morning I woke up to Mr. Rooster at 5 a.m. I walked over to the greenhouse and read my Bible, went on a (short!) run, then walked for about 45 minutes along 6th street. God said to me, “rest.” It was so good to be outside. The air was crisp, the cows were out and everything is deep greens.

I joined Andy for a 9:30 breakfast of duck eggs and the banana bread I made for them (Lalanya has a wheat intolerance!). He told me all about the history of the colonies and their current politics. Around 11 we started planting some things from the greenhouse - squash, watermelon, marigolds, cosmos and an apple tree. Then Andy asked me if I wanted to drive around and get the tour. We drove through each of the 7 villages then ended up at the store where Lalanya was working. It is awesome! Packed with organic food, organic soap, organic tea, organic lotions, organic yarn and antiques. They told me to pick out whatever food I wanted. I shopped on the conservative side, and I can’t wait to go back for more. The food situation is a little confusing, and I’m still trying to figure it out. Basically, after breakfast we didn’t eat again until Lalanya got home and served us a cup of coffee at 5 p.m. which hit the spot, but did not fill me up! Then, at 7 Andy and Lalanya left to hang out with some friends, and they told me to help myself to whatever I wanted.THIS was the highlight of my day. I wandered through the garden and made myself a salad which I added to my quinoa. Then I chose some good-smelling herbs and made hot tea while I watched two bulls wrestle with their horns in the adjacent field. No wonder Andy and Lalanya work so hard, barely take vacations and tackle what seems like an endless list of upkeep - growing your own food is SO rewarding! Every day they walk the garden and show each other what changed, grew or joined the garden. I love how much they appreciate the earth and her ability to provide food and beauty and their genuine joy in doing hard work outside. I brought a bag of “food” from home to make a snack for the three of us, but now I’m embarrassed of it, and I know I won’t use it. Here, it is considered processed crap, which is totally legitimate next to the freshness of the food which is growing organically right outside my door.

The afternoon was spent pretty much just pulling a forest of weeds out from the raspberries that are growing along a fence. I am SUCH a slow mover, but it’s starting to look a lot better. Not for long, I’m sure, though. Those weeds pop up so quickly. An earth worm crawled into a hole in the toe of my Crocs. Now I’m sore and tired, and my left knee makes a popping sound when I go up the stairs. I took a hot shower, which felt absolutely wonderful. But I’m looking forward to the day when I have an opportunity to use the outdoor shower which is in the middle of the garden with a few sheets draped over it! Ethan - a boy who just graduated from high school and works for Andy about three days a week for $5/hr - and I talked about what’s wrong with his generation of men: Why do more women WWOOF? Why don’t more boys go on missions trips and get involved in churches? Why do they lead amazing women on then not marry them? I almost put on my feminist boots and started stomping around in them, but then Andy walked up and told a story about how their rooster finds worms in the dirt, pulls them out then calls for the hens to come and eat them. Now that’s a gentleman! Speaking of men, I also learned from Andy and Ethan that Amana hosts an annual beard competition. Sprinkling beard trimmings on plants keeps deer away. HILARIOUS.



Having chickens for neighbors is sweet. Their clucking noises are endearing as long as I remember to put my earplugs in tonight. This morning Andy told me how to feed them and to gather their eggs any time after 4 p.m. So while he dropped Ethan off I undertook the feeding and gathering of the eggs. The coop is dim, smelly and spacious (they spend most of their time outside), but it was awesome searching for their nests and picking up warm eggs from the saw dust. Two chickens wouldn’t get off their roosts, so I reached under them to grab the eggs they were sitting on. Amazing! I hard boiled a couple to keep for a snack.

Things to look forward to:
Showering in the outdoor shower
Exploring the Amana Colonies
Shopping at the basket shop down the road.
Spending Tuesday ALONE on the farm while Andy and Lalanya take their day off and run errands
Learning how to catch a chicken (which I’ve failed miserably at on two separate occasions today)
5 a.m. every morning and spending time with God
Trying to find chocolate at Henry’s (the store) - I’m craving it!
Learning how to rest

This Season

The season I am entering is awesome. I don't fully know what it looks like yet, but it includes some really exciting things. Learning how to trust and abide in God is one of them. Getting to be footloose and fancy free is another.

Today was the day I hoped for when I named my blog "bike organic." Which, in all honesty, is a stupid name, and I'll probably change it, but this entry will document the fact that I named my blog something stupid. Regardless, I got a good healthy dose of organic - organic matter under my fingernails, organic products in my mouth and organic knowledge in my brain - and of my new, beautiful, olive Trek as I road through the rolling hills of Iowa along a gravel road.

I arrived today at Andy and Lalanya's farm in the Amana Colonies of north east Iowa. This was after a long, relaxing car ride through billboardless countryside accompanied by books on tape - SO good for my soul! There is much to be learned from this couple who have natural gifting in teaching, growing and appreciating the earth. And do they ever appreciate! Today we had a 30 minute conversation just on how amazing soil is - the way it smells, the fact that it grows things and even its taste. I chewed on dirt today. Just clearing that up. I know my time with Andy and Lalanya will be a piece in my quest to find out how to better care for the earth, care for people and help give people a vision for how to better live on this earth. (Side note: here is a cool article from Christianity Today about God's redemption of our planet.)

Today was long and hard work, so I'm ready to conk out in my charming bare bones three season room, but since I know I'll be learning so much each day, I want to periodically include some things I glean as I go:

- how to double dig a bed

- good soil tastes sweet

- how to candle an egg

- chickens have a very strict and regular bedtime - it's a good thing, because I share a wall with the coop. They probably have a rising time too. We'll see how that goes tomorrow morning.

- Iowa has many vineyards for locally grown wine, and it tastes good

- the brighter the egg yoke, the healthier the chicken

- planting corn and soy beans on the same plots of land year after year strips the soil of its nutrients. Crop dusting is then required to induce the plants with the nutrients they've been ravaged of

- there are several plants, including a versatile plant called comfery, which are extremely nutrient-rich and can be used to make fertilizing "teas" in order to richen poor soil

- it's chilly in Iowa, and I packed wrong!

Don't Hait

Audrey and I got to be in Haiti for two weeks. We had a wonderful, wonderful
trip. I learned a lot about missions, business, community development,
orphans and orphanages. I thought I knew about orphans and orphanages
from all my time in India, but because of the language barrier, I'dnever actually had many conversations with the people who do all the
work.


The organization we went with started as an orphanage and has expanded
to a clinic, a school, a transition program for the graduates of the
orphanage and a 3-days/week feeding program for kids from the tent
cities. The orphanage doesn't adopt out because they're committed to
raising up Haitian leaders. Every other week, short term missions
groups come in to help out and spend time with the orphans. Something
interesting I witnessed is that the combination of 1. children who
have something horrible happen to them - like being in an earthquake,
watching their parents die or having to take care of themselves - and
2. do-gooders who want to help the children any way they can and givethem everything they need produces a generation of young people whofeel entitled to things, view those things are disposable and
replaceable, and don't know how to make mature and responsible
decisions. On top of that, the orphans at Child Hope don't have very
many models of adults who have a 9-5 job and work hard at it every
day. If you think about it, missionaries are often in the mission
field because of the support they've raised, and their "job" is
helping those in need. The teams that come in are on vacation time,
and their schedules revolve around hanging out with the orphans or
doing work projects. The mammas who live in their homes and watch over
them are also there to make sure the orphans' needs are met. So understandably, orphans learn that successful, happy and often rich
people don't have to work hard day in and day out. They are graduating from orphanages all across Haiti having very few skills or the values
required to make them strong leaders of their nation. I had no idea
there are so many problems and that orphans could be difficult to
love!

Audrey and I got to give three of the boys violin lessons on some
donated violins. We knew that two weeks of lessons isn't very much,
and so from the very beginning we prioritized a few things we wanted
the boys to learn. For example, we skipped music reading and theory in
order to teach fingerings and how to use a bow so they could make
sounds with their violins right away. Daniel, Keso (like the cheesedip) and Richard learned three songs each and got to chose which one
they wanted to play for a recital we threw at the end of our time.
They were eager to learn, quick to please and easily discouraged, but
they were so proud of themselves at their "recital," and it was great
to see their improvement. Daniel, Keso and Richard will hopefully get
to continue to learn how to play the violin - Audrey and I left music,
some theory worksheets and a letter to whoever might teach them next
(hopefully for longer than 2 weeks!) about what the boys learned and
where to pick up with lessons.

We also spent 10+ hours organizing donations and putting them into a
small room which had just been given shelves. I was shocked by the
types and quality of items which people donate. Some of them were just
thoughtless, like an XXL puffy winter jacket or a pair of boots. Those
will never get worn in Haiti. But some donations were simply
disrespectful. People sent their old, worn out, torn and stained
clothes. Haitians care very much about their appearance (I felt shabby
in front of some of the girls at the orphanage!), and these items are
an insult to their dignity. It's become popular to donate things or
support children in third world countries, and people feel good about
themselves when they do those things. However, unless people start
caring less about themselves and their guilty conscious and start to
seriously consider how they can help others, little improvement will
be made.

There are so many other things I could write about, but one of the
biggest themes from the trip was seeing an organization which has many
shortcomings and is far from perfect, yet realizing that God is using
it for good. Port Au Prince is better off for having Child Hope. The
wonderful staff who work there know the weaknesses much better than I
do, but they continue to pour all their time and energy into the
ministry, knowing God redeems and uses our flawed attempts to bring
honor and glory to himself. This is also such a picture of the way God
uses me. In my weakness and sin, God still chooses to use me to further
his kingdom and to bring his truth to others.